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Aug 7 07 11:01 AM

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When writing dialogue, whats the best way to create it without placing tags after every sentence (ex: John said coarsely, Replied Susie, Barked Fred)? I think that tags look so artificial and slow down the story.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
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#1 [url]

Aug 7 07 12:32 PM

I think the best way is to show the character acting/reacting to a situation, then have them speak. Or have them speak, then add actions. The actions, including thoughts, denote the speaker, thus no tag is required. The actions also show the mood of the character, so you don't need adverbs and verbs like coarsely, barked, etc. It's also best if your characters have individual voices.

E.g.

Fred yanked his jumper over his head. "It's so bloody hot."

"Rather soldier's bold, I would have thought." With his nose planted in the air, John drew his cloak across his shoulders. "You are an odd one."

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#2 [url]

Aug 7 07 6:51 PM

I agree 100% with Jo. That is the perfect way to avoid the 'he said, she said' tags.

Another way is when is 2 people are having a conversation - it becomes obvious who is talking.
e.g.:
John looked to Susan for some answers. "What's goin on?"
"I'm not sure."
"You expect me to believe that you have nothing to do with this whole fiasco?"
"I promise you that I don’t. It's not what it seems."

Sometimes the tag is necessary if more than two characters are talking and you don't want to slow down the dialogue by describing actions.
Limit the tags to 'said', 'asked', 'replied', and not much more. Those tags become almost invisible.
Tags like 'barked', 'sobbed', 'yelled', etc, tend to stick out like a sore thumb.

Also, try and stay from the adverbs.
e.g. ... John said coarsely.
If you need to get the coarseness across then use Jo's suggestion:
"I’m fine. I’m positive I wasn’t infected. I personally turned on the filters." John’s words were persuasive but his coarse voice suggested otherwise.

Sorry about the poor examples, but I hope you get my point...

Doug

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#3 [url]

Aug 7 07 7:00 PM

I agree with Doug and Jo.

If you've created realistic characters, they'll have their own speech patterns and personalities so a lot of the time, the reader will know who's talking just by what's being said.

But if you need to use tags, follow Doug's advice and use "said, asked and replied" the most. Because these tags are used so often they don't slow the reader down as much. The reader will skim over them and only really see the name, not the dialogue tag.


Tina


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iaceu

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#4 [url]

Aug 7 07 9:52 PM

I agree with all.

I read more than a year ago that readers ignore those simple tags when they come across them in text. I didn't exactly believe that; rather, I thought that we read them, but our brain doesn't process them, as they are more or less part of the background.

But, I have changed my opinion. I just finished reading "The Return of the King". Completing the Hobbit/LOTR books, after having read the entire Dune series (the original six) in the past ten months, it occurred to me that I do just that when reading.

I literally found myself seeing the text "said Pippin", for example, before finishing the proceeding line of dialogue.

If I had a line like "I'm not so sure this is such a good idea," said John. "We could be in for some trouble here.", my eyes literally hopped across that tag, and my brain filled it in automatically, and I kept right on going, without missing a beat in the dialogue.

When an author wants to break up the dialog more, a better style is "I'm not so sure this is such a good idea." John gazed toward the horizon, a look of concern on his face. "We could be in for some trouble here."

That second method forces the reader to slow down and contemplate the danger, suspense, etcetera. I think these two methods are hugely effective at controlling tempo.

iaceu

Stranded in Thought

"Beware lest in your anxiety to avoid war you obtain a master." - Demosthenes

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#5 [url]

Aug 8 07 2:17 AM

QUOTE
When an author wants to break up the dialog more, a better style is "I'm not so sure this is such a good idea." John gazed toward the horizon, a look of concern on his face. "We could be in for some trouble here."

That second method forces the reader to slow down and contemplate the danger, suspense, etcetera. I think these two methods are hugely effective at controlling tempo.


Agreed, but formatting must be done properly or it doesn't work. I've read a lot of stories by new authors who sandwich a different character's actions in the middle of the speaker's words. VERY confusing. Dialogue with or without tags should either be in a paragraph by itself or with the action of the speaker.


"It's a bird!" Louise said

"It's a plane!"

"My heels are killing me." Lex Luther pointed at the sky.

"It's Superman!" Jimmy said.

Lousy example, I know, but you get the picture. Either Lex is a cross dresser or he's not the one talking.



Tina

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fiction Factor
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http://www.fictionfactor.com

The Complete Guide to Writing Science Fiction
2008 Eppie Winner for non-fiction!

The Fantasy Writer's Companion
The Complete Guide to Writing Fantasy

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8281220

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#7 [url]

Aug 9 07 11:47 AM

Aw gee - now what am I supposed to say when the guru's have already said everything that needs to be said.

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fiction

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#8 [url]

Aug 10 07 3:10 AM

QUOTE
"My heels are killing me." Lex Luther pointed at the sky.

"It's Superman!" Jimmy said.

Lousy example, I know, but you get the picture. Either Lex is a cross dresser or he's not the one talking.


You crack me up Tina.

Lee

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iaceu

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#9 [url]

Aug 10 07 8:34 AM

QUOTE (bt_author @ August 09, 2007 07:47 am)
Aw gee - now what am I supposed to say when the guru's have already said everything that needs to be said.


I should clarify: I am hardly a guru.

I am just opinionated, and use good examples.

iaceu

Stranded in Thought

"Beware lest in your anxiety to avoid war you obtain a master." - Demosthenes

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#10 [url]

Aug 10 07 12:58 PM

QUOTE (Tina @ August 08, 2007 12:17 pm)
<snipity snip>

"My heels are killing me." Lex Luther pointed at the sky.

"It's Superman!" Jimmy said.

Lousy example, I know, but you get the picture. Either Lex is a cross dresser or he's not the one talking.

Aw, and here you had me thinking he was wearing cowboy boots.

fictionfactor/action-smiley-075.gif

LOL! Loved it, Tina.

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yaghish

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Posts: 907

#11 [url]

Aug 13 07 6:01 PM

QUOTE (Tina @ August 07, 2007 07:00 pm)
the reader will know who's talking just by what's being said.

I don't agree with that. It's not (only) the what, but the how. How characters say things reveals who they are, and sometimes even what they are. This can be very subtile, or rather straightforwards. It's difficult to give examples in English, but men and women don't use the same words, older people talk different that youngsters, people from different cultures have a different way of saying things.
There's people who beat about the bush, or those who never lie, or those who think they are backed up by others ("We don't think that's very clever, isn't it Larry?"), those who come up with something like "In the old days...", "Professor Smith says...", "Many people think..." instead of expressing what they think themselves.

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#12 [url]

Aug 14 07 1:10 AM

QUOTE
I don't agree with that. It's not (only) the what, but the how. How characters say things reveals who they are, and sometimes even what they are. This can be very subtile, or rather straightforwards. It's difficult to give examples in English, but men and women don't use the same words, older people talk different that youngsters, people from different cultures have a different way of saying things.


No argument from me. You're right and I didn't explain well enough.

It is more than what's said, it's how it's said. Characters should have their own way of speaking.



Tina


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fiction Factor
One of Writer's Digests' 101 Best Websites (multiple years)
http://www.fictionfactor.com

The Complete Guide to Writing Science Fiction
2008 Eppie Winner for non-fiction!

The Fantasy Writer's Companion
The Complete Guide to Writing Fantasy

http://www.stygianwritings.com

The Fractured Publisher
A fun and amusing way to browse for books
http://www.fracturedpublisher.com

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#13 [url]

Aug 23 07 12:37 AM

I'm of the school that Jo mentioned in an early post, but I've also heard that it's best to use "said" more than other words. For example, you might get tripped up if you were reading:

"Look at the sky!" Joe exclaimed.

"Is it a bird?" Amy queried.

"Could it be a plane?" Kate wondered.

"I don't think so; it's Superman!" Joe declared.

Sometimes it's best to just stick with said, so the brain reads the dialogue, and not the...writing, if that makes any sense.

EDIT: I must have flown right past Doogies post; sorry. fictionfactor/blushing.gif

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#14 [url]

Aug 23 07 7:26 PM

No apology necessary.
It feels good to be agreed with!

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